My Alternative Life

i am the corn that will be shucked, ground, sifted and baked to become nothing but sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

i've been reading Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet and the above statement has his influence written all over it.

anyways, i was just sitting in class studying for my exam tomorrow, and everything just hit me at once - enough to make me reel for a minute. right now, i'm in India, far removed from all the conveniences and safety-zone comfort of the US and American culture - what i've been most familiar and comfortable with all my life - and for the past three months i've been learning Computer Science. something i never in a million years thought i would end up doing after graduating with a degree in International Affairs and Spanish with a concentration in European Affairs.

'if i weren't here, this very minute, where would i be?' i wondered to myself. and i don't know why that question flashed through my mind, but the answer - and all the circumstances surrounding my new life path - are enough to make me smile, appreciate the moment i'm in right now, and thank God for everything He has blessed me with.

if i weren't a Software Engineer with my company, undergoing technical training in Mysore, India, right now i'd be working off commission as an insurance agent with New York Life. if i weren't here, this very minute, i'd be sitting in a small office in Alpharetta, about 20 minutes north of Atlanta, waiting for lunch to roll around [i'm adjusting for the time zone difference here] and then after lunch, dragging my way through the afternoon and dreading the afternoon commute back home - which undoubtedly would be my parents' house west of Atlanta. which of course would mean having to take not just 400, but 285 west, which would be a killer - hence the dread.

if i weren't here, this very minute, studying Java for an exam i will in all likelihood fail tomorrow, i would not be moving to Boston in 3 months' time. in fact i wouldn't be making anywhere near as much money as i will be making once returning to the States - if anything, i would be making about as much off commission with New York Life as i'm making right now, this very minute, in Indian rupees - which, as i've mentioned before, is stellar by Indian standards but abysmal by US standards.

i remember now - with a smile of 'what-was-i-thinking' disbelief on my face - how desperate i was feeling just earlier this year between the months of January and March, when graduation was looming around the corner, i had no idea what would happen to me afterwards, and - worst of all - i had no idea what i wanted to do. that last part is what lent an air of desperation and anxiety to my situation. once the management consulting bit with one of the best firms in the world fell through at the end of 2006, i felt i was short on time, and uncertainty being what it is, i took any opportunity i came across - federal, private sector, whatever. i applied to a think tank in San Francisco specializing in long-term IR consulting for private firms and governments [check out a book called The Art of the Long View - the author of that book runs this particular think tank, part of the Blackstone Group]; i was contacted by financial services and insurance companies [my co-op experience with a major credit card company raised a number of flags on MonsterTRAK that at the time seemed promising, but in retrospect, turned out to be crap jobs], including New York Life; i even considered graduating and getting a job on campus at Tech with the Nunn School or the Ivan Allen College, or even with the Housing Department.

and when i did apply for this job, it was the highest-paying option of them all, with a promise to spend half a year in India and the possibility of moving to another US city. i applied - after all, i was desperate - but never did i expect to actually be here. and everything has worked out so well, everything has been so seamless, so perfect, and so FAST that only now is it hitting me - i'm so incredibly lucky.

i should explain my first line, about being sacred bread. i feel right now that i am doing what i was put on this earth to do - try to find myself, become more of a human being, yield my knowledge to others, touch others' lives in the process of my development and strive for spiritual unity with God. much like the corn that knows it has been put on this earth to stretch towards the sun. but the fact for me is that while i have no idea what tomorrow will bring, ultimately He will direct my path, and when my time is right He will pluck me from His field and use me for what i am intended.